she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
