Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
