i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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