I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
