I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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