It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
