dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
