I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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