I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I did not marry a roomba.
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