Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
