Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
