Someone shit on the floor
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
