They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
