I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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