I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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