I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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