I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
