Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
