I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
