rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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