she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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