Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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