why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
