I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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