are you still at the devil's house?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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