Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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