I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
