hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
