omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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