____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize