i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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