no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
