and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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