well I can't set my house on fire every night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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