She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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