Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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