I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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