Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
