Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
