Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow