I'd wear matching sweaters with you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night