Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck