You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?