a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.