we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
