Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All im saying is that my face might fall off.