Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need to sanitize my soul.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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