if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
