She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
