Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
