I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
