1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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