your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
