I got chris browned last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
