Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think my moral compass just broke
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
