This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i will never coherently bang her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
