I cannot find my penis.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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