can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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