forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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