You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
