im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
