just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
